Plan B is the new Plan A
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
