What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
