Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i now understand why vodka
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
