I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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