your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
