I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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