I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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