i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
