I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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