We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I deserve this hangover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
