Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
