My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
