This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
