My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
