did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
