Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
