After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's just like the Real World with babies
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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