Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just invented taco cereal.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
