i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
