You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
