i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
