took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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