have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
