so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize