I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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