Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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