like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
