The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
