my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
