I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
