I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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