I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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