At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
