He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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