took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
