the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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