she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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