I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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