apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
