Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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