Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
