I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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