Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
