I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
