I must be too annoying 4 u.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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