I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
