I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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