I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
