ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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