you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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