she sounds like chewbacca in bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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