I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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