Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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