I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
