if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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