Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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