glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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