I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
