Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
