flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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