there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
