Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize