this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
