ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
