He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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